The Blank Page

So this is the blank page of the first entry. Always intimidating. I guess I should start out with the reason why I started to do this blog... partially because we found out a little over a month ago that we (being myself and my bf Pablo) are pregnant.... then we found out a week or so later that it's twins.... and part of me wants to be able to document this somehow so I have something, aside from my horrible memory, to look back on. I've always loved the idea of scrap booking, but I'm just much too lazy for that... plus I would just buy the cute miniature things and look at them, but could never actually bring myself to opening them up and "using" them. So maybe this blog thing will work out a little better.

So as of today I'm 10 weeks and 5 days along. The whole thing is very strange. There are days where the whole thing feels fake and I couldn't possibly be pregnant... but then the intense back aches and desire to vomit my intestines out kicks in to bring the whole thing back into reality.

At first I was sick 24hrs a day so I had no energy to worry or stress out about anything in the future... But the nausea has started to subside (except if I wait too long to eat, at which point it rushes back) so now I have the energy to start to worry... but I'm trying not to.

Things I worry about most:
1) How the hell are we going to be able to take care of two babies at the same time??
2) Who's going to take care of the babies when I have to go back to work?
3) Am I going to go back to work?? I love my job. It really is a good job. The owners care about the people who work for them, and I have the best boss in the whole world who at this point is more like a friend then a boss. At the same time, I don't want to miss out on my kids being little and growing up.
4) We don't make enough money. How can we change this?
5) We only have one car... this is fine. But it's a two door car. How do you get twins in and out of a two door care?? I don't think that's possible. So we have to sell this car and get a new car.... problem: credit is temporarily shot thanks to mess from last relationship that I'm still cleaning up.
6) I think, though I'm a good person, that I'm nuts at the same time.... how can I make a good mom?? I have more issues than Paris Hilton has dollars.... and I have to raise and teach TWO babies how to survive in this insane world???? Are you serious?

There's many more, but lets just say these are at the top of the list. I know there is a solution for everything. At times, even multiple solutions. I just have to decide what those are while simultaneously avoiding a nervous breakdown. I can do that, right? I mean, how many nervous breakdowns can one person honestly have in 24 months??? LOL, it's been an interesting life.... I'll explain more as I make more of these postings.

Anyways, enough for now. Must search online for baby things that I'm starting to (in a good way) obsess about.